Nature v nurture and gender: what makes girls into girls and boys into boys

Baby Center’s recent report highlights the differences between boys and girls with a focus on the ‘nature’ and ‘nurture’ aspects in this regard. Most experts agree that boys act like boys and girls act like girls because of a combination of biological and external influences.

Nurture, as well as nature, plays an important role and the two interact in a complex way. Social forces push boys and girls in different directions right from birth. As a parent, you have a key role in helping to shape your child’s attitudes and behavior.

Baby talk

From birth, boys and girls are treated differently. Studies show that adults describe a newborn baby as "sweet" or "cute" if they think she’s a girl. However, when that same baby is wearing a blue outfit, they use words like "strong" and "energetic".

Parents may tend to talk more sweetly and gently to their baby girls. Baby boys are more likely to be bounced around and played with energetically.

Girls’ and boys’ toys

Most toys are produced in themes and aimed specifically at boys or girls. You may prefer a colour scheme based on blue for boys and pink for girls when your baby is tiny. But once your baby becomes more active, think carefully about the impact of your choices. Manufacturers are very good at marketing toys to one gender or the other. As a result, in some families, boys are only given action toys and girls are only given dolls and baby accessories.

Children as young as 18 months old often associate cars with boys and dolls with girls. Electronic games show clear gender differences. Many games for boys have a preference for action, adventure and building, whereas games for girls focus on nurturing, role-play games.

The effects of these choices can be long-lasting. Children who spend most of their time playing with gender-specific toys will probably have fairly traditional ideas about gender throughout their lives.

Your child’s role models

Children pay close attention to the men and women in their lives and often develop gender expectations based on what they see.

For example, one little boy’s mum always drank coffee while his dad opted for tea. The boy thought he had it all worked out, until, to his great surprise, he saw a man with a cup of coffee. This shows how important it is to remember that your child is constantly watching what you do and taking on board what they observe. It is now commonplace for children to see their parents doing tasks that would have been considered unusual a generation or two ago, like dads making dinner and mums doing the DIY. Children learn and accept what is normal from the role models we provide.

If you and your partner have fairly traditional roles with you at home and your partner at work, then make a point of showing your child other sides of your personalities. Dad could be sure your toddler sees him play an active role in childcare and housework. Likewise, explain to your son or daughter when you’re doing something outside of your domestic routine, so that they can share in your wider world.

Books, television shows and films can be a great way of showing boys, girls, men and women in various roles, but choose carefully. Many books and films can have the opposite effect and reinforce sexual stereotypes.

Princess dresses and football kits

By the time girls are two years old and boys are three years or four years old, they know that there are clothes for girls and clothes for boys and they’re reluctant to cross the lines . However, if you want your child to retain a more open attitude about what is and what isn’t acceptable, don’t dress your daughter only in pink or your son only in blue. Shop around for clothes in other colors.

Studies show that from a very young age, girls receive more compliments about how they look than boys. Sadly, this can lead to girls placing greater emphasis on their appearance and seeking the approval of others from even a very young age. To try to limit this, be aware of how you compliment your child. Encourage and praise both boys and girls for what they have achieved or are trying to achieve, rather than for how they look.

Reactions to emotion

There’s an old, unwritten law when it comes to bumps and bruises. Girls get plenty of sympathy and reassurance, while boys are told it’s not that bad and to be brave. Most parents encourage their sons and daughters alike to express their emotions. But it’s sometimes not so easy to change the attitudes of previous generations, such as grandparents.

It’s also more difficult to control what your children encounter outside your home, such as at the playground. There, more rigid expectations, such as "boys don’t cry", may still apply. To try to avoid this happening, encourage your son to express his emotions and share his troubles from a young age. When he does, listen, and be compassionate and understanding.

In this way, you can help to avoid your son becoming emotionally stifled as he grows up. Ironically, girls and women have been encouraged to be more assertive and decisive in recent years. But many boys and men are still struggling to express their emotions, which is considered by some to be a more feminine trait.

Media stereotypes

Analysis of children’s television programs shows how boys will often be the jokers and main characters. Frequently, girls are in the background in a supportive role, trying to solve the problem.

While you cannot avoid the media, try to help your children to develop their own views about what they are watching. Comment on the stereotypes and highlight sexist attitudes, such as the hapless dad and the pretty heroine. In this way, you can encourage your child to challenge assumptions and develop their own view of the world.