And Some Men-By Dr. Hadi Eltonsi

Their childhood is sometimes instructions and warnings, other times praise and spoiling. Instructions, that they don’t realize how useful they are, and warnings, they don’t know the reasons behind. But they are children obeying to gain content or to be safe from punishment.

Spoiling may be due to the happiness of the parents of a beautiful child, or the desire of any of them to bedazzle him with gifts and praise to effortlessly win his love without understanding or a responsible sharing that teaches him and brings him nearer, they treat him as a wonderful puppet that reaffirms themselves when they are proud of its funny behavior, and if he rebels he gets oppression and punishment.

Did this child feel secure? Did we understand his feeling and react to his real needs? Did we respect his childhood, rights, and humanity? Did we all communicate with him or left his subconscious feel that loneliness is his destiny and interests is his law.

The seed of loneliness grows with time with increasing expectations; he has to excel in studies and to commit himself morally, and to go along with the religious, social, and cultural heritage even in appearance, he has to possess a well built strong body, to impose himself by force among his competitors and counterparts even at the expense of values preceded by interest; a winner or a looser, sees loneliness the destiny and interest the law, and the tricky smart ways acceptable, emotions as weakness, principles as a verbal flag, humanity and rights as the language of the victim and the stupid, pride, show off, and pretention as an affirmation of imagined manhood.

Some men are educated in a medium that glorifies might, represses humanity and rights, and does not respect the other except on the basis of might, richness, authority, and prestige. Some men are oscillating between mightiness and oppression or fear and feeling lost. Self-oppression for them is an eternal practice, and controlling the other is an alternative for internal harmony, otherwise, they will become tense, frustrated and even collapse, while conflicts and problems arise.

Some men consider manhood domination, which doesn’t care about logic, rights, humanity and respect; self-respect and respect towards others. They are victims of an education that glorifies force and forget about humanity, and they are in a vicious circle exchanging rules later with their wives and children; a vicious circle that breeds loneliness, injustice and misery.

Some men when they possess money, prestige and influence they want also to own a submissive wife, reaffirming with her admiration or submission their psychological choice and a vulgar manhood that doesn’t lean on humanity, values, harmony, and respect, so they cannot grant kindness and dignity that they didn’t get in their childhood and they transform to lonely protectors and providers upon whom the others depend without human communication that corresponds to their needs.

So can some woman enjoy more dignity, respect, and independence? And can some men be more human, respectful and harmonious? And can we grow sane children enjoying rights, respect, dignity, spontaneity, and safety? 

 Contributed By Hadi Eltonsi