The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing is a book that was published in 2012 by Bronnie Ware, an Australian author. The book was completely inspired by her job she had taken as a palliative carer.

In the book Bronnie talks about the top regrets all her patients had in common – those patients were not hospitalized, rather they knew they were dying, and they were sent home until their time comes – the time Bronnie spent with them was something between three to twelve weeks depending on each case.

Although Bronnie’s relationship with all those old people was purely professional (like taking care of their food, showering, medications), the real bond she had with them was strong as she was someone who listened to them in the last days of their lives.

The top five regrets of the dying say it all – they are all genuine, true and they come from people who lived long enough to realize they regret not doing what they should have done.

First Regret: "I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

Simply and to the point – a huge mistake we do , which is to live the life OTHERs wanted for us or had seen fit for us , so we go ahead and we give up on the life we want and we go with the flow to live that “ structured planned life “ others had portrayed for us .

It becomes very regretful to see how many of our dreams have gone unfulfilled and it’s all because we did not do the right choices, we wanted for ourselves.

Second Regret: “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard “

A regret that all workaholics admit they did see coming – but in fact they often thought they will fix things at the right time, but in the end, they had put their career and job as the number one priority in their lives.

Only when it’s too late they see how they gave less important things more attention than the important aspects they should have prioritized.

They missed events, reunions and sharing quality time with their companions or with friends and they even sometimes missed seeing their children grow up and missed making memories with them in their childhood or youth.

Third Regret: "I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings."

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others and to either avoid confrontation or rejection or in many cases arguments. And in the end, they settled for less and they never spoke up about what they feel, want, need, desire, like, dislike or even what goes in their minds; they just spent a lot of time falling in the trap of being who others thought they were and never made a statements of what their true feeling are .

Fourth Regret: “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends “

A regret that comes when it’s too late – giving up on old friends and being pulled left right and center in life, just losing track of them and drifting into the life roller coaster, old friends slip between our fingers and only late do we realize what a huge mistake we did.

Often by the time we realize the mistake or the regret, it’s too late to track them down, we are either too old or they are, or even more, sometimes things just cannot go back the way they were.

There comes a point in life where we realize we do not need lots of friends – we only need real ones, and sadly, we miss them even more when we are old and dying.

Regret Five: “I wish that I had let myself be happier “

Silly and strange enough – only at the death bed when people realize happiness is a choice; they stick to their comfort zone and their area of familiarity, the fear of change stops them from doing the things that will make them happy; they give up on their choice of happiness by just staying still and following the pattern and being stuck with habits .Yes, happiness is a choice – and when you prevent yourself from choosing, you live a content life but never a happy one

Grace, Anthony, Florence, John, Ruth, Charlie, Jozsef, Jude, Nanci, Doris, Elizabeth, Harry, Rosemary, Cath and Lenny are all names in that reality life experience Bronnie had gone through; they all taught her things and indeed they resemble many names yet more to come and to be added as people who will still have those regrets .

Make sure your name is not on that list; make sure you have no regrets and learn the lesson early enough before the damage is done .

And always remember, the clock ticks for every one of us. It is your own choice on how you spend your remaining days after learning from others regrets not making them your own.

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By Mona Radwan