By Dr. Hadi El-Tonsi– Former Ambassador and Medical Doctor
Honor, honesty, integrity, seriousness, sincerity! Was his father right when he implanted in him those values and made of himself a good example? Didn’t that create in him internal conflicts and made him introverted as he watched himself fighting his instincts and observing his contradictions trying to keep his self-respect? Why, while he was a teenager, he was full of questions?
And why he had to be forever a fighter achieving an endless chain of duties and preventing himself from committing a lot of wrongdoings? And if those values among others were a must and helped him achieve success in his studies, so why he didn’t get the wanted happiness and purity?
And why he sees himself often alone when he introspects or when he revises his bitterness if he discovers the falseness of relations he considered beforehand friendship or love, or when he recalls the intriguing situations when he fights with or observes conduct patterns, that conflict with his basic values, aiming at achieving selfish or instant interests or to get survival at whatever cost?
Is it so, that those who adopt these manners are more harmonious, relaxed or simple? And do their actions provide for a high-quality life psychologically and spiritually with happiness and purity even when they arrive at their material aims? Where is his genuine nature? And what is the way?
In spite of that his upbringing based on sincerity and seriousness made him a relentless fighter and a dedicated scholar, he noticed that conflicts consume energy and provoke the opponent inside and outside himself and that values if they don’t emanate from himself they cannot continue and be maintained or achieve inner peace.
His genuine self could disappear if it is not allowed into the light to express itself freely, and it radiates happiness and piece that increase, the bigger the time and space allowed for his genuine nature to be set free.
How can he be sure that his genuine self will be pure and that freedom doesn’t turn to nonsense? And how can he keep whatever he acquired sometimes of social acceptance and credibility based on values that led him and reassured others?
He found that values that he fought himself and others to put in practice became a free genuine part of himself, and give his life a meaning and a direction that helped him endure troubles and bring for his self-respect, maybe because they became a habit or due to the practice and results of observation.
Hence genuinely wouldn’t be a fearful adventure anymore or characterized by lack of responsibility. That led him increasingly to play himself more and more as the results were encouraging. He was surprised to find that when he abandoned observing and analyzing his behavior and motivations, and when he denied attention to whatever he had inside of pains and negativity, he became more spontaneous, creative, funny, witty and intuitive with abundant energy and effort, and with more sensuality towards people and creatures, even accepting life with its pros and cons.
Success in whatever endeavour he makes became handy, even more, his state of mind brought up in his talents that he didn’t think he had or that he previously thought that they need a special type of intelligence, not a deep true feeling that manifests smoothly in various forms.
He knew at last that the values he grew with deserved fighting for, and granted him, with his state of mind, a far and clear vision when his spirit manifested observing neutrally, not subjectively emanating in that case from ego with negative emotions.
If that was a way to purity and inner peace, and if peace was a goal for everyone, wouldn’t it be best that we learn it through a life based on competition and conflicts to achieve through it a hope that contradicts its basics?